BioWare Made Kaidan Alenko Mercch Again, and It’s Not Even My Birthday
It’s been difficult to be a Kaidan-Alenko fan in the Mass Effect fandom for the past 14 years. The man was not only the target of a long-running smear campaign from people who believed that racism was better than relative emotional stability but also because his relationship was charted in game one, the cards were dealt in such a way that most Mass Effect players didn’t see him as one of the most well-written characters in the trilogy . BioWare didn’t treat him as well when it came time to purchase official merchandise. However, characters like LiaraT’Soni or Garrus Vakarian have been the focus of much of what BioWare has sold in its own store. He has received a few good shirts and a hoodie, which I have worn as pajamas for many years, and a lithograph, which is still hanging in my office. Mass Effect Legendary Edition now means we have another round of merchandise. Kaidan’s first item of merchandise is…kitchen towels.
Today’s $15 set was available on the BioWare. While the idea may seem odd, the towel set contains quotes that refer to a scene from Mass Effect 3’s “Citadel” DLC (pictured above), in which Kaidan prepares meals for Commander Shepard. Kaidan’s cooking skills seem untrained in my version, but this is because he’s distracted from me, his boyfriend, being more hot than the stove he’s not looking at. However, Kaidan’s less than stellar cooking seems to be a universal concept regardless of whether he is living with his CO.
It has been years since I was able buy anything that represented my favorite Mass Effect boy. Maybe I had already bought the towel set before I began writing this. It is possible that I will see more Kaidan merchandise in the future. BioWare is a body pillow that the girls and gays will appreciate. If you place the Biotic Bae on a pillowcase, Pride Month can become Pride Year. Your clearly tuned in to the audience and your double-entendre-ridden store listing confirms that these towels can be used in many different ways. Just do it. You can be sure that I will at least buy it.
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For more Mass Effect information, see our review Legendary Edition as well as a detailed write-up about the state for queer representation in this franchise.